(no subject)

[lhexa]

"Is this then a touch? quivering me to a new identity,
Flames and ether making a rush for my veins,
Treacherous tip of me reaching and crowding to help them,
My flesh and blood playing out lightning to strike what is hardly different from myself;
On all sides prurient provokers stiffening my limbs,
Straining the udder of my heart for its withheld drop,
Behaving licentious toward me, taking no denial,
Depriving me of my best, as for a purpose,
Unbuttoning my clothes, holding me by the bare waist,
Deluding my confusion with the calm of the sunlight and pasture-fields,
Immodestly sliding the fellow-senses away,
They bribed to swap off with touch, and go and graze at the edges of me;
No consideration, no regard for my draining strength of my anger,
Fetching the rest of the herd around to enjoy them a while,
Then all uniting to stand on a headland and worry me."

-- Whitman, Song of Myself 28

Comments

[raki.livejournal.com]

How are you doing?

I figured this might be a better medium to ask than email.

[lhexa.livejournal.com]

I don't know.

[lhexa.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry to have given such a sullen answer. An exam was approaching that I expected to fail horribly, but I did well. It would be better to say that in some ways I am doing well, in some ways not.

[lhexa.livejournal.com]

Why do you even ask? I assume you know better than to attempt to help. And it is only when feeling vicious that I would have any desire to give a detailed answer.

[raki.livejournal.com]

Because I want to know how you're doing?

[lhexa.livejournal.com]

I don't believe you missed the rebuke in my question. But it was made on a mistaken desire. I'm glad and annoyed that you asked, since I characteristically rebuff questions about my state. Still, we're obviously at an impasse, and I'm not going to simply wait and expect something good to happen. I'll start posting again soon (though not immediately), and hopefully you'll learn whatever you want to know from my posts. That's really the best I can offer by way of information. I also hope you'll comment every now and then. I've missed you, though half the time I think I shouldn't. I'll also reply to your own posts, and whether or not you tolerate me will, I suppose, depend on what I say. And if important matters go untouched and unresolved, well, when has that not been the case?

[raki.livejournal.com]

I asked because I took your last email as an expression of a desire to be left alone while you work things out, but I still want to know how you're doing in a way that's not intrusive of that self-imposed isolation. That's all.

I stand by my admonition to do what you need, because I'm not emotionally inept enough to state my own "accusations" while you're obviously not prepared to handle them. I'm not requesting or re-initiating anything, just asking how you're doing. I leave the requests and re-initiations up to you.

[lhexa.livejournal.com]

There have got to be better ways of reinitiating contact.

[raki.livejournal.com]

I'd use them, if that were the point.

[lhexa.livejournal.com]

I'm disappointed it's not.