Vanity, Conceit, Arrogance

[lhexa]

I could try to list my flaws, but knowing me, I'd get muddled with synonyms halfway down the first page, and "lists flaws" would show up shortly thereafter -- not that a list of virtues would go much better. However, since I don't want a certain set of related concepts, with a long lineage in my thoughts, to be forgotten...

Vanity: For some reason I'm particularly sensitive to this in others... it's not that I'm any good at noticing it, but when I do, it grates against me. Though I don't refer to physical vanity, but emotional and intellectual vanity: overly cherishing favorable opinions and feelings from others, to the extent of manipulating said others. I don't have a problem with this, even as much as I like to be liked. Positive opinions or regards towards me, when explicit, tend to meet with one of two responses. Either I feel flattered but nonetheless brush it aside with a joke -- or correction (see "arrogance" below), due to it being something I've already thought to death -- or it renders me helplessly bewildered for a little while. Assuming it comes from someone whose opinion I'll consider, in the first place.

Conceit: Believing oneself to have virtues or abilities far exceeding actuality. Certainly a problem for me. I still often fantasize about accomplishments that are beyond my capabilities. One way to combat it is to seek out standards you clearly don't meet, and set them as your limits; unfortunately, beyond a certain point this becomes impossible in the fields I pursue. Another way is to refuse to form an opinion of one's talents. This is my usual tactic, though recently it seems to merely be a backlash from my adolescence. It was, after all, self-conceit that got me interested in philosophy.

Arrogance: You won't soon find a person as arrogant as me, though it's not a readily visible trait. I am very civil, and civility is, after all, the best way to nullify arrogance. Or rather, civility negates its lesser dangers. I'm not up to writing more on this.

I do not treat myself gently, and I'm surprised when people think that I do. At least I'm not sick of myself anymore, or of anything I choose to take in. Unlike Nietzsche, my ailment is not digestive, but respiratory. I filter a poisonous atmosphere. I draw in small amounts of sulfur dioxide and carbon monoxide when I inhale, but they are not present in the breath I exhale.